Preying Mantis, Psycho Mantis

                                                                             HIDEO

Thoughts, not of my own
So overwhelming, yet meaningless
Not a single word, left to be unremembered
Just a single utter of the name I still hear

A hymn to a god long banned
Cemeteries of secular stone
My mother, rested beneath cold dirt
To me, the only god I have ever known
With her final day
She gave me
The very thing she lost

From the bed
Of which I lay my head
Nestled against the pillow
As if it was the warm breast
Of the one who birthed me
I heard the thoughts
Of the only other I loved
Only to know
The bond was not mutual

Father
I give forth my spirit
Why of all people
It will be you
To Forsake me?

For a vacant mind, you were not so hollow
Retaliation an eager thought in your head
I feared you, revered you
Like the god long banned

I did not wish to see or hear
How you imagined me dead
Or the words that struck hard
Soon I anticipated your fist
Not an ounce of your pity
But all your frustration

The life She gave me has changed
My shield has become my shroud
In her memory, you still hate me
But it is the only place
I know where to live

Subdue, constrain
Oh Father, I was delivered into your hands
Revolt, retribution
From here, you were given me
Submissive, weak
How could you not love
Dominating, able
The only child you ever had?

Thoughts so delicately laid to bed
Nothing left inside my head
Time to bring the child home
As we speak
Fragile wrist, small feet

Father, Father, where art thou?
Are you not the one denied?
Censored, covered, down and broken
Like a crying statue of old times
Can you smell the fire rising
Ashes upon the flesh-cement
People burning, people dying
Is this another sacrament?

Lost,
In this world
Not a single sound
But the crying all around

Sleep in the snow tonight
A new world all around me
Countless thoughts
Not a single one mine
Solace in the scenery
But without a single
Human feeling
Just a child, just a child
So far gone and broken

Now sleep, sleep
Into to the night
Tomorrow will be the end
Of this nightmare
But I know deep inside
Only now does it begin

Sleep in silence, sleep silence
But that silence never comes
Hello mother, hello father
Not a single thought from you again
Only a memory from you
Only a scar of you
And I know it is all happening again

Hungry, tired
So magnificent
Crawling on all fours again
Like an insignificant insect
Why
Can I not
Sleep in silence
Thoughts
Not even mine

Remind me of the fragrance
Human beings, human beings
In the end, so shallow
Wasteful clumps of carbon
So many gone, so many gone
Not a single memory of them left

Just a single thought,
engraved on a bland stone
No more crosses
No more stars
Only a name to be forgotten

God banned from the world
The same one that called him dead
Could not bring them back again
Perhaps it is better this way
Not like there was much
To bury anyway
I feel it all coming down
I am praying to the banned one
Was this a gift from him?

I am waiting for the tidal wave
I am waiting for the end of days

But, they never come
They are dead anyways
I hope they will succumb
But they are dead anyways

And now
I
Am the god
Of my own destiny
I
Am the one
to decide
Who lives
And
Who dies