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About Literature / Hobbyist Core Member Cloned to KillMale/Russia Group :iconthe-bloodsport: The-BloodSport
 
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makartheburd.tumblr.com/

Ask me shit
If you don't have tumblr, leave a comment here and I'll reply with the vocaroo link
Just know, that your comment will be screenshotted and placed on my tumblr as well - for my reply
If you don't want your name or icon presented, just say so and I'll censor it

Let's do this shit
English only for now, I haven't practiced verbal english in so long and that is mostly what this exercise is for basically

Note I'm a vulgar, very honest person
So let's fucking do this
Not a book title, actually

Well, I've confirmed I lost my most enduring friendship and there is no point in being upset anymore
I'll be sad, I'll be sad the rest of my life
But I am a warfighter
And we are drilling hard
We are drilling so hard and in March I'm going back to Rostov, to do large drills that will stress the readiness of our military
And that is common knowledge, so don't worry - I'm not violating OPSEC or anything
But it is obvious it is all around the Ukrainian border and once again, as I look at going to Rostov, I wonder "Am I going to go to war?"

I've always been at war
But it is time that, before I go to take life one day that will eventually happen, especially if I get accepted to become a Spetsnaz operator
I should at least help nurture a life in this world

I don't know how many people know, but Russia is full of orphanages and baby houses
One here, in my home of Pionersky, Kaliningrad Oblast
There is a baby house
And there are unwanted babies there, many new borns
No disease, nothing wrong with them
But their mothers were too young or simply didn't want them
Some having been left at the doors of churches

For years, I have had a hole in my heart
I've tried to fill it with so many things
War, God, Love, Friends, Rps, Ponies, this and that
But after reading the Witcher Books again and replaying the games in my freetime
And letting ago of yet another relationship
I have come to realize I've always wanted a daughter
Someone to raise
Someone to give back to
Someone to give the childhood I never had
Someone to give myself as a father to
Like the one I lost

My work has a very impressive babysitting program and it is all ran by nurses, not civilians
And I have a lady friend who has a daughter of her own who would love to take care of another one while I drill or deploy
And one of my good battle buddies who I drill with has a huge family
His wife would love to take in another mouth to feed for every odd weekend

And spontaneously, I decided to visit this Baby House and found a nameless child
Less than a month old 
With no family, no idea where she came from
Perfectly healthy, physically and mentally

And I have honestly considered, perhaps I am to be a father?

But I digress for now
I put myself on a list and left a number to be called at another time
With everything going on, I couldn't raise a daughter if I was thrown into a war or the Spetsnaz program
But if either of those do not come to fruition - yes
A daughter would be lovely

Maybe I'll name her Yana
Or Cirilla
Or Yennefer...
Well, few months ago a lost a considerable amount of friends and then a few days ago I lost even more
And now, my best friend, believing for the "sake of my mental health", has basically ended a many year long friendship with me
Believing themselves to be the cause of my recent misfortunes, despite this actually being the time where I needed them most
And I wasn't even given a chance to explain what has really been going on the past months...
Now I have no one to talk to about it

And things were just about to get better
I was just about to get over the jump
One more weekend and the mandatory overtime and training the new guys would have been over
One more weekend and I would have already had my travel for military training in march settled
One more weekend before I was going to get several consecurity paid days off
One more weekend
And just like every other weekend this month

Just before things were going to get good again
Something came up just as my spirits were lightened

Now what?
To quote the hilarious Dj Khaled snapchats, "Life Is Garbage"

I don't have anything to look forward to now after work
My mind is consumed with bitterness and my heart feels betrayed
And once again I am alone
And it is not like I can just tell my coworkers and fellow soldiers about some falling out on the Internet...

I guess I have more time to write, read and play games
But everything feels like it is a shade lesser
And I realize now that a nightmare has come true
I lost the one friendship I wish I'd never lose

I'm thinking about cigarettes and alcohol but I am fighting the tremendously, overwhelming urge because I have been clean from both for a little over a week

2016 is already proving to be one of the worst years yet for me
Since everyone thinks my last journal is a serious cry for help or a suicidal tendency, it really is not
I'm shitposting, I'm not being serious
It is a fucking meme, guys (I mean seriously, "blaze weed m9?" Does that sound remotely serious?)
I've settled some things in my life and after this weekend, I'll be returning to my ordinary work schedule
Was going to surprise people with an update to the Bestiary, which I'll still likely do eventually - but yeah

Things are actually getting better and I am past the hard stuff
I'm generally just trying to poke fun at myself but of course, everyone is taking it like I am about to blast my head off or some shit
Which is funny, because during the times I was considering it - literally no one gave two fucks but the moment I put some memey ass journal everyone is suddenly scared

So yeah
Now, as a result of how some people interpreted that journal, I have something to actually be heartbroken and upset about - so I guess this is a time to catch up on some video games or t.v shows and get my mind off of it

Good to know you guys take my seriously when I'm joking and not when I've been serious in the past fuckers

Cheers, m8s
So, I've decided to become more active on here by shitposting more often
Because I literally can't be arsed to anything anymore
I'll get back to writing eventually once my life unfucks itself and I get a better work schedule
But as of now, I don't even really see the point in updating people on my life anymore

so blaze weed m9
shot op man
makartheburd.tumblr.com/

Ask me shit
If you don't have tumblr, leave a comment here and I'll reply with the vocaroo link
Just know, that your comment will be screenshotted and placed on my tumblr as well - for my reply
If you don't want your name or icon presented, just say so and I'll censor it

Let's do this shit
English only for now, I haven't practiced verbal english in so long and that is mostly what this exercise is for basically

Note I'm a vulgar, very honest person
So let's fucking do this

deviantID

Gvozdi
Cloned to Kill
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
Russia
Proud to be Russian by Wearwolfaa

Other pages that Makar owns on the internet:

askmetalfang.tumblr.com/
makartheburd.tumblr.com/
www.fimfiction.net/user/Gvozdi
twitter.com/makarovthered

Gagarin by 85MAG
I adore space.
My only regret in life will be not becoming an astronaut.
Yuri Gagarin is my hero.


:iconrussian-iz-fans:
Interests

Would you join a group where you gained rank and rewards (such as monthly allowances) for participation and being active? A group that commissioned you and provided a link between you and clients? A "mercenary" art/writing group? 

100%
15 deviants said Yes!
0%
No deviants said No!

I Dream of Electric Sheep

Comments


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:iconasinglepetal:
ASinglePetal Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks for the fave
Commissions open
twitter.com/asinglepetal
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:icongvozdi:
Gvozdi Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
Welcome
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:icontyron91:
Tyron91 Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thx for the fav! ^^
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:icongvozdi:
Gvozdi Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
Welcome
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:iconjeyrablue:
JeyraBlue Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2016  Student Digital Artist
Thanks for the fav!Llama Emoji-02 (Blush) [V1] 
Relaxing Day- Peter and Twilight by JeyraBlue  
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:icongvozdi:
Gvozdi Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Welcome yo
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:icongvozdi:
Gvozdi Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks Papa Franku
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:iconmayasnou:
MayaSnou Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
спасибо за fav^^
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:icongvozdi:
Gvozdi Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
 Пожалуйста :D :D
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